Full Metal Alchemist

Edward Elric

Law of Equivalent Trade

"I'll give u half of my life,so give me half of urs"

Hahah...

If only i could just say that too...

Sighs...

Staying at home doing nothing has really got me thinking...

Of nonsense i should say...

But maybe...

Not all of it is bullshit...

Sighs...

So i'm just so insignificant huh?

Yea...

One day of absence...

No one cared...

No one even bothered to ask...

Just how am i different to the others?

Haha...

How could such a fairy tale exist?

One with the same opening and storyline as mine but with a happy ending...

Allister(if that's how his name is spelled) didn't give up...

Me too...

He smsed her everyday...

So what?

I waited for her day after day...

No matter how long it took...

He got his girlfriend...

I didn't get her...

Why??

Sighs...

Life's so unfair...

Why do u have to constanly laugh at me and make fun of my effort?

Today sucked...

Found out some things on teow's phone that i'd be better off not knowing...

Sigh...

So u msged him when u're bored yesterday...

Out of nowhere...

And not me...

So what am i to u?

I'd been holding onto this thin line on our relationship...

This thin line that said that we're siblings...

And well looks like that line finally snapped...

It couldn't carry the weight of my feelings after all...

Yeah...

Why didn't u find me when u were bored?

What did i exactly do to deserve this?

All i want is to see u happy...

And if possible,be the one who makes u smile...

Guess all my effort is gone...

Because of one small thing...

Sighs...

SO where do i really stand in ur mind now?

Less than a friend?

An acquintance?

I don't even know...

It really felt devastating...

To find that my space has been degraded so much...

I just wanted to disappear...

Didn't feel like going for frisbee or movie anymore...

But in the end decided to go...

Didn't want to pull everyone's mood down along with mine...

Sighs it's hard to think of others even when i can barely hold on...

But if i didn't think of them it wouldn't be me i guess...

It was tiring...

Having to smile...

To please everyone...

Even when i feel shitty inside...

Sometimes i wish i wasn't born too caring and sensitive to others...

It would have been best if i didnt exist from the start...

Sighs...

Well i guess love has a jacked up notion of happiness for some...

No pain no gain?

But haven't i suffered enough?

I saw u waking out of school...

Quickened my pace to catch up with u...

But I did that...

Just to get ignored huh?

I should've known...

Ur friends are more important than me I guess...

They disturb u and?

U cant talk to me?

It's only a matter of wanting to or otherwise...

If I'm important to u then u'd dismiss their silly remarks...

I've had enough

I'm sick of listening to excuses

Just leave me alone

Everyone's that way...

After all I'm just a substitute aren't I?

A substitute for everyone's close friends and families

I'm only needed when all of u have favours to ask

Then I'm cast aside without much thought

But the idiot who continuously believed...

Was me myself...

I just don't seem to learn...

That dreams don't come true because they are called dreams...

They don't come ture

Even for those who yearn for it for years

Yet i still put on that smile...

Waiting patiently...

Just to get hurt time and again...

With each new smile I put on,

The pain grew...

Behind every one of my smiles...

Lie a sad story...

Ah teow is so lucky...

Someone is willing to concern herself with him...

Well i can tell that she likes him...

Maybe she said what she said because a levels is coming...

And that she doesn't want it to affect her...

But now he finds her irritating...

Say that she concerning herself too much after she told him she doesn't like him...

Even if she is over concerned...

It's still better than being alone all the time...

Without anyone caring for u at all...

Just like how I am now...

Sigh...

People should appreciate what they have instead of complaining about it as not everyone can have it...

Sighs...

If only YOU would go to that extent for me...

I dreamt...

Of u...

Now i just can't discern between reality and dreams...

Well i can...

But...

For that while...

I hoped...

It was real...

But i woke up and eveything returned to normal...

In my dream...

Everyone was against me...

I was accused for something which i didn't do...

The whole world stood firm against me...

I broke down...

Kneeling there crying...

Thinking to myself...

Is there anyone who will believe me?

Just as i thought of those words...

U came burstng into the room...

Seeing the state that i was in...

U cried for me...

And hugged me tightly...

I was overjoyed...

Because u still cared...

And u were willing to go to such extent just for me...

For this insignificant person...

I never felt happier in my life before...

Everything seemed so real...

I thought...

I didnt care anymore...

All I wanted then was just to go through every day with u by my side...

But as i stood up...

Everything vanished...

And i woke up...

My eyes were wet...

From tears...

Of happiness...

But in a moment...

I realised what i just experienced was nothing but a mere dream...

Reality cant be that good...

I tried to sleep again...

Wanting to go back to that dream...

But it's just not possible...

Tears trickled down my cheeks again...

This time because of the sadness from realisation...

Everything now is the opposite of that dream...

Why did everything came to this state?

I wanna go back to that dream...

And be with u forever...

Why did i even dream of that dream?

Because it's something that will never happen in real life?

I dreamt of it to satisfy my own emptiness?

But now I just feel more empty...

Now everything is just so screwed up...

Pieces of my heart are scattered everywhere...

I want us to go back to how we were...

When u came to my house on Sat...

There was so many things i wanted to tell u...

But in the end i couldnt bring myself to...

U were just sitting next to me...

I just kept on looking at u...

As i thought...

So far...

Yet so near...

Why?

Why?Why?

Why?Why?Why?

Why?Why?Why?Why?

Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?

Was all that surfaced to my mind...

Can u come back please?

It's just not the same anymore...

My life is different without u...

I'm feeling so lonely in the presence of ur absence...

Please?

Well today was...

Both sucky and great i think...

Everything's turning sour these days...

Not really that much people wished me...

Well i dont really mind that...

It has always been the case since forever...

But what sucked was...

That u were so indifferent...

When it was ur bday...

I wished u through msn, face to face, wrote a card and msged u at 12midnight sharp...

But today u didnt wish me at 12...

When i saw u,u didnt even approach me to wish me...

How long would it take just to give me a simple happy bday wish?

I spent hours looking for a present for u...

But i got nth from u...

It didnt have to be something special or expensive...

A simple birthday card would have sufficed...

After all it's the thought that counts...

But nope...

Nothing...

I'm so dumb...

The one thing i looked forward to the most today was...

Being able to receive a present from u...

No matter how small it is...

How come i'm so small to u...

When u mean everything to me?

Ah and auntie still ignoring me...

I dont even know what i did to her...

She just started ignoring me randomly and "spontaneously"

It hurts...

Well maybe i bore her...

So...

How can i not feel fucked up after all these?

And some other stuffs...

But oh well...

Just decided to let time pass...

Not like my birthday changes anything...

Well i was expecting a celebration from 210

But they dragged it until after sch...

Well I had thought they wouldnt celebrate...

And i didnt really mind anyway...

It's been a tradition for me to quietly spend my bday in loneliness...

But...

They did celebrate for me in the end...

Wouldnt say that it completely lifted my spirits...

I'm still down in the dumps...

But at least i felt better though...

Thx 210 yea?

Even though u wont be able to see this post...

Oh that fucking flirt acted as if he rmb my bday...

Fucking annoying asshole...

It's so obvious he didnt...

And after that kept asking me how many people wish how many people msg...

FOR FUCK'S SAKE

I KNOW THAT U ARE FUCKING POPULAR AND ALL

SO DONT COMPARE ME,AN INSIGNIFICANT LOSER, WITH U

Ah he went off without celebrating my bday with 210

Guess they didnt tell him

Oh well heck

Not that his presence changes anything

Except maybe making me frustrated...

Oh well let me see what i can do to lift my mood up...

For 210's sake

They tried so hard...

They were like today ur birthday dont emo...

Ah guess if worst comes to worst ill just wear a perfectly fake smile with a little bit of realness...

Well what'd make me the happiest is u though...

My bday wish:

Hope i can be with u sighs :(

Fuck life is such a fucking bitch

It just isn't fair

How things are working out for others

But not for me

I really dunno what to do anymore

Im always left alone

And

What the hell did I do?

I didnt do anything to u

As far as I rmb

But u just started ignoring me

For no reason at all

If I did make u angry then tell me

Wts is this

AGH FUCK
FUCK FUCK

*$#&%(@$@)(%*@

%*(#@&%@#*^$&!%#)@!$*@

Uhh yea...

Long weekend...

Not good...

Not productive...

Frustrated...

Lots and lots of time went into thinking about random things...

But eventually u always end up inside...

Forget it...

I give up trying to forget u...

Damn this accursed world...

Sigh...

Well am I even human?

I seem to only have this negative thoughts and air about me...

Maybe I'm an accursed being from hell...

That can't experience even the slightest bit of happiness yea?