Why do life have to be so fucked?

I know that life is unfair...

But this is ridiculous...

Why?

Tell me someone...

Why does an asshole like him get to people who treasure him a lot?

While he just plays around with them and take them for granted...

Shattering their hearts once he's done with them...

And still proudly announcing it to everyone...

He doesn't deserve it...

And he's got everything...

That people would give up their everything for...

And yet he's screwing around thinking that they're something that can be found easily...

I've had it...

I've heard enough stories...

Why can't it be me for a change?

Seems like nice people suffer the most...

In addition to dying earlier...

Sighs...

I shouldn't have hung out with u again...

All those pain that i took so long to numb...

Are starting to ache again...

It's excruciating...

Everything just...

Came back...

Bits and pieces of memories...

Of the things we went through...

Before i realised...

My chest hurt...

And my eyes blurred...

Someone...

Tell me what to do...

And lend me a listening ear...

Been hanging out with u more again and smsing u again...

I really thought that u finally realised that I'm actually important to u...

I thought that hope would come through this time...

Sigh...

How stupid i was...

To continuously and naively believed in hope...

All that awaits me...

Is only despair...

Sighs...

I offered to accompany u to look around the Zinc shop again...

But didnt know that Shu Li and Bhavs were coming too...

Well that was alright...

But...

What hurts was...

U didnt even try to make an effort to talk to me...

And I really couldnt say anything to butt into ur conversations...

Whatever did I go there for?

Since u had them to accompany u...

To just stone?

Sighs...

And...

When Bhavs asked me,"Albert,do u have a crush on someone now?"

I wanted to say ur name out loud...

And say that it's not only a crush...

I live for u...

U are my everything...

Haven't u realised that?

Sighs...

Whatever...

Why did i have to get my hopes up?

I'm such an idiot...

Feeling fucked up again...

Running on empty...

What bloody lives we lead...

Should be concentrating on studies...

But i'm not doing so...

I'm a failure...

At everything...

I'm here, downtrodden and maimed...

With no hope left to move on...

That's what i said...

But what i really hope...

Is to find someone...

Who will not give up on me...

What the hell am i talking about?

My brain's malfunctioning...

From all these thoughts...

That i cant even think straight anymore...

Someone...

Save me from this absolute darkness...

Save me from this living hell...

Went to school super dead mode today...

Super tired for some reason...

Didn't really pay attention in class throughout the day...

Last lesson PCCT...

Sex education talk conducted by Mr Rizal...

Thought that some other external people will conduct one...

He look cmi de but okay la in the end...

Most of the time make fun of people here and there...

But...

The relationship part...

About love...

And loving feeling...

Commitment...

And other stuffs...

I was thinking of u throughout the thing...

Are our expectations of each other really that different?

What am I to u?

Unanswered questions echoed in my mind...

I'd give anything...

Really...

To just be by ur side...

Sigh...

U smsed me last Sat...

When i saw ur name pop out...

My heart skipped a bit...

I was quite happy...

Wondering what the msg is all about...

I thought...

Maybe after i stayed away for so long...

U finally missed me?

Sighs...

My hopes were dashed...

As soon as i opened the msg...

U asked me about the list of chem organic notes...

U could have asked others...

But why me?

It must have been because others were not there?

That u finally decided to ask me?

So i'm just a substitute to u?

Who only appears in the back of ur mind when u have a need for me?

Sigh...

I'm tired...

Why do u keep getting my hopes up...

Just to destroy them again...

Don't u know how hard it is for me?

Can u just push me away?

Slap me?

Or do anything that will hurt me so much?

If u're not interested in me?

Don't leave me hanging...

Sigh...