Yeah you know, today's another day gone by with me thinking of you most of the day.
Well actually you know what?
Scrap that.
I've been thinking of you EVERY single day.
To tell you the truth, I'm tired.
Really, really tired.
I keep wondering.
These 3 years, all the time and effort I spent.
What do they mean to you?
Are you not even the slightest bit touched?
Do you know that you're the first and only girl that I've ever gone so far for?
I wonder...
Will you be touched?
If you know just how much tears I shed over you.
If you know how much anger I felt, when your feelings were toyed around
If you know just how happy I feel seeing you smile, especially if I were the one to make you smile
Will you?
But well I guess you don't know all these stuffs.
These are all the invisible part of my emotions.
And so I can't blame you.
But aren't the visible part of my actions enough?

I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for you.
Hoping that one day, you'll finally see who really cares.

Been long since I updated this blog...

Was talking to Liang about Fu Xing and his diary.

And I suddenly have the urge to post again somehow.

Well it's been... A few months.

Lots of things between me and her changed...

And one way or another, here I am yet again, still trying to woo her.

Although I've got the feeling that the ending will still be the same.

But I just can't help but to try one LAST time ( I hope )

Lots of clues are pointing to the same outcome...

But I just won't give up.

Yeah I know I'm naive and maybe just plain dumb.

But that's what love makes u do right?

Stupid stuffs.

I really hope that this time it'll be different.

Really praying for a miracle to occur.

Sigh.

Oh wells.

But maybe it's better to just get rejected STRAIGHT in the face.

Then maybe I'll really give up this time.

For GOOD.

Ah wells...

Yeah...

There's one person that'll like whatever you do right here...

No matter what it is, I'll always clap and compliment and smile for you...

But you just won't realise it...

Hahah fuck.......

I just went ahead and met her today...

And she looked so... Beautiful...

She changed...

Dyed hair...

New specs...

Of course I'd notice anything new about her...

But would she notice me all the same?

But...

Why'd she change?

For a guy?

She'd never do that for me...

And...

She said most of the time she's going out now...

And she did just leave us after lunch...

Is she going out with a guy?

That means so much that we can be left in the lurch...

Hahahah fuck.....

I just feel so fucked up...

I shouldn't have met her at all...

I'm completely in ruins now...

What the hell am I doing

Trolling on facebook posting around random stuffs just to convince others that I'm cheery

When I'm really not

I'm tired

Real tired...

And I got pangseh-ed again

Maybe I should have gone to MANGO with the horny bastards

Heh...

Maybe get wasted and grab a chick or two and sleep with them

Not that I fuck around

But getting stuck at home just makes it worse

Whatever...

I'm walking all alone
Heading towards nowhere

Just walking aimlessly

And the sky's getting darker

I'm not gonna run

I'm not gonna look for shelter

If it rains, let it be

Let it rain...

Let it rain...

Let me cry out in the rain...

While the rain masks my tears...

Let me scream out all my pain...

While the rain masks my voice...

Walking in the rain felt...kinda refreshing

For once...

Everything's so superficial..

Relationships...

Hard work...

Nothing good comes out of everything...

It's just stacking troubles after troubles...

And I've gotten so good at putting on my mask that I don't even feel anything anymore...

I just feel so...so lost...

Yet again..

I keep on being so pathetic...

Playing the victim...

Even after I told myself countless times that I'm stronger than before...

Yet with each new obstacles...
I keep getting crushed...

Without even seeing a tiny bit of my goals and hopes...

Seriously...

Why am I always the victim?

Victim of love

Victim of friendship

Victim of family

Victim of effort

Victim of health

Of...of everything...

I'd say I'm not so weak...

If I were..

I'd be the same as those who cut themselves and commit suicide...

I'd say I'm one who cheers up quickly...

But it's just that why is it me and always me?

Give me a break please...

And no one ever understands I guess...

No one even tries to...

Sigh...