What the hell am I doing

Trolling on facebook posting around random stuffs just to convince others that I'm cheery

When I'm really not

I'm tired

Real tired...

And I got pangseh-ed again

Maybe I should have gone to MANGO with the horny bastards

Heh...

Maybe get wasted and grab a chick or two and sleep with them

Not that I fuck around

But getting stuck at home just makes it worse

Whatever...

I'm walking all alone
Heading towards nowhere

Just walking aimlessly

And the sky's getting darker

I'm not gonna run

I'm not gonna look for shelter

If it rains, let it be

Let it rain...

Let it rain...

Let me cry out in the rain...

While the rain masks my tears...

Let me scream out all my pain...

While the rain masks my voice...

Walking in the rain felt...kinda refreshing

For once...

Everything's so superficial..

Relationships...

Hard work...

Nothing good comes out of everything...

It's just stacking troubles after troubles...

And I've gotten so good at putting on my mask that I don't even feel anything anymore...

I just feel so...so lost...

Yet again..

I keep on being so pathetic...

Playing the victim...

Even after I told myself countless times that I'm stronger than before...

Yet with each new obstacles...
I keep getting crushed...

Without even seeing a tiny bit of my goals and hopes...

Seriously...

Why am I always the victim?

Victim of love

Victim of friendship

Victim of family

Victim of effort

Victim of health

Of...of everything...

I'd say I'm not so weak...

If I were..

I'd be the same as those who cut themselves and commit suicide...

I'd say I'm one who cheers up quickly...

But it's just that why is it me and always me?

Give me a break please...

And no one ever understands I guess...

No one even tries to...

Sigh...

Ahahahaha

JOKE RIGHT?

Right...

Another problem comes up when I haven't solved even one of the previous ones...

Seriously, I can do without anymore extra worries, thank you.

Sigh...

When others post "wow i'm having 8-5 bla bla bla, my camp rocks"

I'm having untreated insomnia in camp

I'm overworked due to fucking poor planning by assholes who forced us to merge

I'm getting eaten by all the retards

When others post "in a relationship, ily, yada yada yada and whatever bullshits about relationships"

I can't even go after the person I love so much

I can't even decide what else to do now regarding her

I can't get over her

And I also can't tell her I haven't done so

All I could tell her was lies after lies

Running away and diverting everything

And now, when others post "love my family, etc"

My house is like a battlefield

And I'm the neutral one who hasn't chosen any side

But i'm getting pressured to...

Damn it...........

What should I do?

Sigh...