Aaaaaaaaand it's friday again...

Well i should be happy...

But i'm not...

A break from work...

So what?

A break from school...

So what?

When I cant get a break from this silence between us...

Sigh...

Staying at home makes me think of u more and more...

Since I just don't seem anything particular to do...

Should i ask u out on mon?

Contemplating...

Sigh...

Why do i mean so little?

And girls are just difficult to understand...

I just can't read what they're thinking...

Did i do something wrong?

If so,then just come up and tell me...

I'll try to rectify everything...

Don't avoid me like i'm some sort of plague...

And stop talking out of a sudden...

I don't mean to hurt...

Sighs...

Sometimes i wish i was Rayson

Bo chap about a lot of things...

Sigh...

If only I hadn't fallen for u...

Empty again...

Heh...

For what was I even born?

Still not asleep at 4am in the morning...

There's this mix of feelings...

Frustrated...

Both at myself...

And at those retarded assholes...

And there's this empty feeling...

Which no matter what i do...

I just cant fill it up...

Sigh...

A pathetic human being i am...

I wonder if they day'll come...

When i'll turn from an ugly duckling to a swan...

Heh...

I don't really amount to anything everywhere...

Be it in sec school...

Or jc...

Or to u...

Look's like i'm just that invisible person...

Who only exists when u all have a need for me...

I don't really learn from lessons do I?

I should've known...

That going for that stupid gathering would have been a complete waste of time...

Yet...

I merrily agreed...

Deep down in my heart...

Hoping that somehow...

Maybe today i can finally fit in...

I just dont give up...

Even after so many letdowns...

After so many disappointments...

Whatever...

Maybe i'm just destined to be alone forever...

Went to heart of god ytd...

Was supposed to be there for 40 min...

Ended up being there for like 3 hours...

Worship session...

About language of love...

3rd language of love: gifts...

-Be considerate of the recipient's needs

-Don't recycle gifts

-How u give the gift is as important as how much the gift is worth

-...

-...

The whole time i was there...

U were on my mind...

I was thinking of u...

I wanted to cry...

But...

I held it back...

Sigh...

I'll give u something to really remember me by...

And i hope u'll treasure it...

I still really really care about u...

Everywhere i go...

All i see are couples...

All the effort i used...

To not think of u...

Suddenly disappears...

U'd come to my mind...

Sigh...

It seems like life is making a fool out of me...

And it's as if that life is enjoying seeing me suffer...

My heart aches...

As all the memories resurface...

Of all the days we spent together...

Sigh...

I treasure u...

But how come it ends up this way?

I really envy some people...

They have what they want...

But they don't treasure it...

Just like that flirt in my class...

He's got girls falling for him...

But all he ever do is hurt them...

If only i were him...

I would never do those things he does...

I'd give u everything I have...

Just so that u will never regret...

Seems like it's futile...

Ending everything sounds good right about now...

I even jumped off a building in my dream...

How cool is that?

Maybe i should really do it...

I won't move on anyway...

Sigh...

As expected...

All u replied me when i wished u was

"Okay.Thanks.Haha :]"

U wouldn't even remember that I've got my individuals tmr...

Even though i remembered ur group event...

Sigh...

Am i really that insignificant to u?

Just how much am i worth to u?

Tears choking me as I type my reply...

It's so hard to pretend to be happy...

Even if it's just sending a msg...

If only I could bring myself to tell u all these feelings...

I wonder what ur reaction would be...

Most probably u'd be telling me not to like u...

Again...

Thinking of ending everything...

Quitting life...

Should I?

Would u miss me in the slightest bit?

Would u even feel sad?

The answer lies within ur hands...

U can make me or break me...

For u're my only and my number 1

Sigh...

U've done it again...

U just ignored me...

Without a care about my feelings...

U are all i think about everyday...

Yet i seem like nothing to u...

Why?

I just don't know how to carry on anymore...

It's taking everything to hold back these tears...

If only I could let them flow freely...

Like the rain...

It would have been nice to walk slowly and cry in the rain...

Since no one would be able to see my tears...

If not for the other YJCians around...

And of course...

I couldn't let Wen Min see my tears too...

Sigh...

Everything's so fucked up now...

And tmr's the last official table tennis match that I'll get to participate in...

Don't think I'll have a chance...

But I'd try my best...

If u'd wish me good luck...

Tmr's ur wushu group event too...

Wish u'd do well...

So that u'll be happy...

Sigh...

Sigh...

I'm really at my wits' end already...

Won't u just come over and talk to me?

I just can't focus anymore...

Do u have any idea how many sleepless nights I had because of u?

Do u know how much tears I shed over u?

When I had forgotten how to cry...

Do u know just how painful the way everything is now to me?

If only dreams would really evolve into reality...

If only my dreams...

About u coming back were real...

Sigh...

Why do u have to be so cold...

* Saat kau MENYUKAI seseorang, kau ingin memilikinya untuk keegoisanmu sendiri.
* Saat kau MENYAYANGI seseorang, kau ingin sekali membuatnya bahagia dan bukan untuk dirimu sendiri.
* Saat kau MENCINTAI seseorang, kau akan melakukan apapun untuk kebahagiaannya
walaupun kau harus mengorbankan jiwamu.


* Saat kau menyukai seseorang dan berada disisinya maka kau akan bertanya,"Bolehkah aku menciummu?"
* Saat kau menyayangi seseorang dan berada disisinya maka kau akan bertanya,"Bolehkah aku memelukmu?"
* Saat kau mencintai seseorang dan berada disisinya maka kau akan menggenggam erat tangannya...


* SUKA adalah saat ia menangis, kau akan berkata "Sudahlah, jangan menangis."
* SAYANG adalah saat ia menangis dan kau akan menangis bersamanya.
* CINTA adalah saat ia menangis dan kau akan membiarkannya menangis dipundakmu sambil berkata, "Mari kita selesaikan masalah ini bersama-sama. "


* SUKA adalah saat kau melihatnya kau akan berkata,"Ia sangat cantik dan menawan."
* SAYANG adalah saat kau melihatnya kau akan melihatnya dari hatimu dan bukan matamu.
* CINTA adalah saat kau melihatnya kau akan berkata,"Buatku dia adalah anugerah terindah yang pernah Tuhan berikan padaku.."


* Pada saat orang yang kau SUKA menyakitimu, maka kau akan marah dan tak mau lagi bicara padanya.
* Pada saat orang yang kau SAYANG menyakitimu, engkau akan menangis untuknya.
* Pada saat orang yang kau CINTAI menyakitimu, kau akan berkata,"Tak apa dia hanya tak tau apa yangdia lakukan."


* Pada saat kau suka padanya, kau akan MEMAKSANYA untuk menyukaimu.
* Pada saat kau sayang padanya, kau akan MEMBIARKANNYA MEMILIH.
* Pada saat kau cinta padanya, kau akan selalu MENANTINYA dengan setia dan tulus...


* SUKA adalah kau akan menemaninya bila itu menguntungkan.
* SAYANG adalah kau akan menemaninya di saat dia membutuhkan.
* CINTA adalah kau akan menemaninya di saat bagaimana keadaanmu.


* SUKA adalah hal yang menuntut.
* SAYANG adalah hal memberi dan menerima.
* CINTA adalah hal yang memberi dengan rela

I'm just feeling so fucked up again...

Everything I do is useless...

No matter what i do,i will never be welcomed...

It's not my fault...

I'm short naturally...

I'm weak naturally...

It's not as if i can change these...

I'd change if i could...

So why is it that everyone is always ostracizing me?

Everyone...

Except u...

I'll never forget the hands u offered me,when no one else came to help...

Even when it was hard, u were always helping me...

It was u who greeted me and kindly smiled at me...

Ur smile became what i look forward to every day...

But why do everything have to be this way now?

I just wanted to be near u...

Heh...

Was reading some random manga...

It ended happily...

Haha...

Why can't it be that way for me too?

When i finally plucked up my courage to tell u...

It really took everything I had...

But u just have to dismiss it casually...

It really aches...

At least take me seriously...

It's just so hard to hold back these tears sometimes...

I really don't know how to move on..

Sigh...

Getting that empty feeling again...

I'm always left out everywhere...

An abomination...

That's what I am...

Cast aside and thrown away without the slightest thought...

That's just how my life is...

I'm missing u again...

These feelings and memories of u are lingering...

U're the only one who can fill the void...

Did u think that it was only a casual remark or a crush when i told u that i like u?

I really wish that u were here...

To accompany me...

But at the same time...

I'm staying away from u...

Adhering to what would be best for u...

Giving in to what u want...

Even though it pains me...

I'd gladly give anything up for u...

If only u know how much u really mean to me...

I know u think of me as ur brother...

Or maybe brother is just a term that we use...

Maybe u think of me as a mere friend...

But that's not how it is for me...

Don't look at someone who's far away...

Don't try to reach further...

But instead...

Be aware of the person who's in ur surroundings...

Of the person who'll always be there for u...

No mood to do anything...

Just rotting silently at home...

No one cares...

Guess stoning's the only thing i'm best at...

I'm sick of stoning with nothing to do and this feeling of emptiness...

But what else can i do?

U won't ask me out...

I doubt u'd even go out if i asked u to accompany me...

Ask others?

That's what u'll say...

I've got no one else...

The rest doesn't care about me...

To them...

I'm non-existent outside school...

Whatever...

So damn tired...

What the fuck is wrong with everything?

Why do everything i do seem to always go wrong?

It's like I'm the embodiment of failure itself...

After all the effort I put in...

All the sweat and blood i shed...

It's reduced to nothing...

Every single time...

I'll just end up in disappointment...

They say that failure is the stepping stone of success...

But I've failed tens,hundreds of times...

So much so that i lost track of them...

But i have yet to enjoy what success really is...

Maybe it's just me...

I'm a defect...

An imperfect human...

Whose birth was a mistake...

I tried so hard...

To give u the best of me...

To always be there for u when u need someone...

Everything i did was always with u in my mind...

I wanted to be ur something...

I wanted u to appreciate me...

But instead...

U find me annoying...

U don't want me to be so close to u...

U tell me to forget u...

I tried to forget u...

For that's what will make u happy...

I tried my best to adhere to ur wish...

I cut off contact with u for almost 2 months...

But I just couldn't forget u no matter what...

And i failed yet again...

Even after all those lonely days I spent alone...

Forcing myself not to think of u...

I still failed...

I practiced so hard for table tennis...

Extra training...

Friendly matches...

Even when i wasn't in the mood...

I still went...

They left me exhausted...

They would make me more inclined to think of u...

Cause i'll be left lying with nothing else to do...

They brought me more pain...

But i still went...

And look at yesterday's results...

I fucking screwed up...

Why...

I studied for block test...

I redid the tutorial questions for maths...

Even though i simply don't feel like doing them...

I expected to at least pass...

But i still failed badly...

And got one of the lowest in the class...

Why the fuck is all my hard work not paying off?

Why is it that everything just can't go my way?

Not even for once...

God...

Look at ur servant here...

Where are u?

Why have u forsaken me time and again?

I believed u...

But everything is so fucked up now...

Am i just ur toy?

For u to have fun watching me suffer?

I just don't have the will to carry on...

Please don't torture me anymore...

Just take me back...

Let me disappear from this world...