Well...

The bomb dropped...

When i told Jess about my dream...

She said that maybe it's possible...

Well I didn't really tell her the details...

But what i saw was...

You and I...

Together...

And we were back in Indo...

But now...

After the enlistment letter came...

And it said 9th dec...

All hopes of that dream becoming reality is dashed...

We don't even have time to go to Indo...

So...

Guess that was just a dream dream eh?

Not a premonition kind of dream...

Sigh...

When i really think of everything...

Sometimes i feel that it would have been better if i kept my distance right from the start...

Of course i wouldn't know what it means to really love someone then...

I would only have crushes and "like" others...

It really felt nice loving u...

But though the price for realising that now is quite extreme...

When I was ignored by Jia Min then...

U were there for me...

But now...

When u're ignoring me...

No one's here by my side...

Why?

I just realised...

U...

Who always didn't seem to mind what others say...

Started taking into consideration their comments...

Why?

Is it because u have someone else?

That u dun want the rumours to jeopardise ur relationship?

Sigh...

This fucking sucks...

Today fucking sucked...

Sigh...

All i could do...

Was lie down and reminisce...

How i missed those days...

I remembered i would wait for u after class...

And we would always take the long route home...

I'd send u home...

And reach home late...

I talked to u about all the problems i could possibly have...

Because no matter what problems i have...

I'd feel like everything will be fine with u around...

You're the only one i ever told...

Because even though i am a colossal loser...

U'd still accept me all the same...

Despite my insecurities...

And all my stupid fucking decisions...

You never once judged me...

So i told u it all...

How i was having problem with my family...

How i was having problem blending in with the class...

How i had a crush on Jia Min...

As time passed...

And the stories changed...

You still sat and listened to every word...

Why did u have to leave?

I still had so much to tell u...

I thought that...

It'd be alright...

It'd be just the usual thing...

U ignoring me for a while...

And then everything would just fall back into place...

But no...

This time...

U left me for good...

U didn't come back for me...

Why do i always do everything wrong...

Why was i so inattentive a friend...

And why did i only start missing u...

After i learned i want to see u again...........

So u won't even care and ask now

U must find me to be a bother

A weakling who cant stand straight on his own

But how could i help it?

I'm but a helpless person without u

A lame person without his walking stick

I went missing and no one asked anything

What is the fucking point in me living?

So much things to write...

Mind's in a complete mess...

Can't really write everything out...

How long has it been?

Since we really talked...

Since we laughed together?

Since i was still ur bro?

I really dont know where to go...

I can't keep this mask on for long...

Having to act normally in front of everyone...

My tear ducts and glands may be spoiled...

But it doesn't mean that i can't feel these heartaches...

God...

Why God?

What did I do?

Have I committed sins so grave that I deserve to be treated this way?

Then what about corrupted government officials who left others for dead?

Time after time...

These kept on happening to me...

Why?

Is all that I can say...

I've got too much things to ask...

That I don't even know where to begin...

Why...

I care so much about her...

Yet here I am...

Left alone...

Not even considered as one of her close friends anymore...

Why?

Why did everything turn this way?

Well...

I was happy yesterday...

That was until today...

The smallest actions u do towards me...

Will always make me happy...

Like how u woke me up yesterday when i was sleeping in the library...

Doesn't it show that u at least still had a tiny fragment of concern for me?

But today...

I found out...

That maybe u don't know that I'll always be there for u...

U should have told me if there were problems...

I'll fly straight away...

Just to catch u before u fall...

No matter where I am and what I am doing...

It saddens me that I'm not in ur mind...

But what saddens me even more...

Is seeing u unhappy...

I'd do anything just to make u smile...

So find me if there's anything...

I'll gladly be ur punching bag...

If it's to put those sweet smile back on ur pretty face...

But well...

Maybe u have Melvin and u don't need me anyway...

No matter how much of these love mangas i read...

I just cant get enough...

They are more than just mere mangas...

All the situations that happened...

I kinda hope that it will happen to me...

Why can't it be like that for me?

As i read on...

And reached the ending...

My vision blurred...

Heh...

It sucks to be me...

If only i was just born as a manga character...

And not as a real human...

Couldn't u even give me a smile?

Would it hurt to treat me nicer?

It's not that I'm hoping that u do something that's not u...

That'd be out of point...

Cos after all if that's what i want...

U'd be another completely different person...

But...

U did it before...

U would reply kindly and sweetly...

A long time ago...

But now...

I don't even mean much to u do i?

That u won't even reply my smses...

That u won't even give me a smile...

That u won't even try to maintain the conversation...

But even after all this...

I realise that u still are and always will be...

The most important person to me...

Just seeing ur smile on that graduation day photo...

Brought a big real smile behind my usual mask...

I just want u to treat me like how u did...

That's all i ask...

Is it too much to ask?

Is it too difficult to ask?

Well it's ur choice though...

No matter what...

Whatever ur choice is...

As long as u're happy...

It's enough for me...

God...

I know i haven't been the best of Your followers...

I denied u...

I hated u...

I questioned Your existence...

I did things You deemed as sins...

But still...

If You would hear me...

And just grant me this one wish of mine...

Please...

Please just let her be happy...

Of course it'd be nice if it were me who could do that...

And put that smile on her face...

But...

That doesn't matter...

Just let her feel joy...

I don't care if it comes from however big of a sacrifice i have to make...

I just want her smile to stay on her face...