Yeah so here I am again...

Going to book in later sigh...

Went out to shop for CNY clothes with her today...

It was...

Nice...

And blissful...

I wished that time could stop there and then...

And when she finally put everything together...

She looked...

Gorgeous...

More than words can describe...

She looked different than usual...

Her silky hair...

The gleam in her eyes...

Everything mesmerised me...

I could feel my heart racing...

I love her so so much...

God...

Please...

Even if u don't grant me anymore wish after this...

Just grant me this one last wish...

Please keep her by my side...

I know I'm greedy...

But...

I won't be able to bear seeing her with someone else...

Maybe that empty feeling was a premonition...

A bad feeling...

That she's gonna work for 13 hours a day...

And including weekends too...

So...

She wont have time to spare for me anymore I guess...

Can't ask her out on weekends...

Sighs...

And she's gonna end work at 10pm...

That's late...

I don't know what to do...

I wanna ask Teow to send her home...

I know that that's the right thing...

To see her home safe and sound...

But...

I don't want him to spend anymore extra time with her...

Since they're already going to see each other for so long every day...

I'm a despicable asshole ain't I?

Got that empty feeling in my heart...

I dont know why...

But I know that it's cause of u...

I realise that...

After entering NS...

I love her more than before...

When we were in school...

Maybe I'd get assurance that at least I can still see her...

But now...

Every second spent with her is so precious...

Sighs...

But what can I do?

She doesn't take me as anything...

While I want to be the one by her side...

Seriously,

Maybe I don't have the faintest clue of where I'm headed next...

But wherever it is,

All I know is that I want her to be next to me when I get there...

I want to tell her how much I love her...

How much she means to me...

But it's futile...

She'd just pay no attention to it and stay away after that...

What can i say?

What should i do?

So that she'll be mine...

I'm going crazy...

I want to sleep with you...

Not have sex...

Literally sleep....

Together...

Under one blanket...

With you by my side...

With my arm around you...

And your head on my chest...

Cuddling with each other...

No talking...

Just sleepy, blissfully happy, silent...

Sometimes I do have these weirdest thoughts...

But what can I say?

It just shows how precious you are to me...

But yet...

I dont know...

I feel like I'm always 2nd in your life...

Or maybe 3rd or 4th or I dunno...

Like yesterday...

U only wanted to go cause Rayson persuaded u...

And when he said that maybe he wasn't going anymore...

U said u were going to meet ur other "friend"

I'm guessing it's HL or Hong Lin or whatever his name is...

But what about me?

I was gonna spend new year's eve all alone if u left...

But did u care?

Sigh...